randomness of a time past: Jesus is in my Yoga Class

Jesus is in my Yoga class and he seems to be having trouble. As I pull up into my side plank, my arm shakes under my weight; I glance over to see his arm wobbling as well. I strain through the floating that takes the form of a low ‘push-up’, before I breath my way into upward dog, then downward dog. Jesus is breathing hard just like me. As an atheist my first reaction is surprise to see this figure in my class. Has the second coming happened? Was I confused in my belief that there is no god and ‘jesus’ is just a creation of the church? Well no matter, what is Jesus doing taking Yoga? This eastern practice doesn’t fit with the Christian figure balancing in the bird pose two people over. Perhaps this is why he cannot balance like the instructor or like the students who have been taking this class for a couple terms. Jesus is breaking with tradition, therefore God, his father, is punishing him with poor flexibility. That seems rather petty. Then again, Jesus does seem to be shirking his job if he’s puttering around my yoga class and not bringing those who have no sins up to heaven-that is, if this is the second coming. Perchance the joke that my friends and I always make is true: all the interesting people would be in hell, so why go to heaven? Jesus could have decided that it’s just too boring up there and its time to enjoy the simple pleasures of living in purgatory, like yoga.

Looking into the soles of my feet, trying to pull my hips apart and gain some flexibility, I feel my slow breath actually helping me move deeper into the pose. Having concentration in yoga is as important as all the yogi masters would tell you. Wiping away all thoughts but breathing and relaxing into the pose does actually work. One-Two-Three-Four-One-Two-Three-Four. There's one breath. In and Out. Maybe Jesus is just visiting. Maybe every hundred years or so he gets to come down, see what's going on, check to make sure things are moving smooth enough. It has to get boring in heaven. Clouds, cupid-like-angels, it doesn’t seem that conducive to having a good time. Eternity is much too long to hang around and do nothing all the time. Sneaking away for a day, or even for two hours to go to yoga once a week, seems preferable. But why would Jesus choose Yoga? There's weight lifting, pilates, scuba diving, there must be endless chooses for the divine son of God. Supposedly Yoga will bring you closer to spiritual enlightenment. Jesus may have thought he’d have a leg up, being that he is some sort of spirit or whatever he is supposed to be these days. That's a pretty negative view of this figure who is supposed to all knowing, generous, and capable of miracles: That he would ‘cheat’ at yoga, or at least attempt to. Perhaps its just realistic. We all have our faults, weaknesses, Jesus may just be bad a sports. Yoga is a class that attracts those that don’t enjoy heavy exercise.

Breathing again, I lay back into my corpse pose. Jesus is falling into his, arms spread eagle, legs in line. This figure of strength and determination is just human, at least in form. The stories of Mary Magdaline as his lover always seem more real than Jesus suddenly thirty and still a virgin. If the church created him as we see him today, why not go all the way? Change him into an impressive symbol that can intimidate us all; rather than the skinny nerd who grew a bread so he’d look older, and became a carpenter because that's what his dad told him to do. Pity may be more appropriate for this figure who lays fifteen feet from me. My judgment of his strength is of course completely inappropriate in this environment. Yoga is not about competition. Its about finding strength in yourself. Do or do not, there is no try. Judge lest not yea be judged. Coming out of corpse, a bath sounds really nice right now.